hey im back and im really mature and smart now/might get a new site/ see you babes soon xoxo
Jeremy Scott x Windows ‘95 ///5th Element Couture
WEIRD THINGS I WOULD WEAR WITH BOYS
In my experience, the best way to get a boy to stop talking to you at a bar is to respond to his “last-night-I-dreamt-story” with:
ME: “oh yea, last night I had a dream that I had sex with my brother”
LOCATION: I was sitting in the car with my entire family. My dad was driving and my mom was sitting in the passenger seat. My brother was located to the left of me.
BOY: My brother is tan, thin and 17 years old. He was wearing dark washed skinny jeans, some sort of graphic t-shirt and a pale blue Members Only jacket. He had navy blue boating shoes on to coordinate. The weird thing is I can tell you where he bought all of his clothing, because I have lived in the same house as him for the past few months.
My dad didn’t have the air condiditoning on and I was sweating uncontrollably in my oversized sweater and jeans.
ME: DADDDDDD ITS SO HOT.PLEASE OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS OR PUT ON THE AIR CONDITIONING
DAD:Anna, it’s not that hot. We’re almost at dinner, just wait.
ME: NOOOOOOO DAD, I’M DYING. I’M MELTING—-PLEASE.
My dad laughs and continues to ignore me.
ME: WHAT IF I AM GOING THROUGH EARLY MENOPAUSE?!?! HOT FLASHES. I HAVE SO MANY HOT FLASHES.
My dad laughs again. My brother, who although thought I was amusing, asks in a serious tone:
BROTHER: What’s menopause?
ME: When you’re a woman and you get older and then your vagina falls off.
My mom punches me. My dad is laughing uncontrollably. My brother looks genuinely disgusted.
MOM: THAT’S NOT REALLY WHAT IT IS.
BROTHER:EW ANNA. AND DON’T SAY VAGINA IN FRONT OF MOM AND DAD.
WHAT I LEARNED
The Taco Bell guy asked if I wanted hot sauce and if I was single, and to avoid further interaction I just said no. But now I have no hot sauce so I guess sometimes you just have to man up and pay your dues.
LOCATION: A large backyard where a small house party was taking place. Boys were sitting on the sparsely placed white plastic chairs, smoking and drinking Budweisers.
BOY: Tall and lanky, with thin, dirty blonde hair. Wearing a cardigan and a collared shirt.
BOY: HEY ANNA. HAVE YOU SEEN WHIP IT?
ME: Oh, that movie with the girl from Juno? Yea I like it.
BOY: Hahha yea. Ok.
He turns away and starts talking to the boy next to him.I walk away with my friend.
ME: Well that was really weird and random.
FRIEND: He asked if you wanted to do whip its…not if you have seen the movie…
SHELF LIFE Pops of color anchor a blizzard of pattern. Valentino jacket, $9,980. Call (212) 772-6969. Salvatore Ferragamo sweater, price on request. Balmain skirt, price on request. Go to balmain.com. Reece Hudson belt, $475. Hermès hat, $1,700, and gloves, $860. Tom Ford sunglasses, $395. Go to tomford.com. Ralph Lauren Collection bag, $1,950. Maria la Rosa socks, $80. Alexander Wang shoes, $495. Call (212) 977-9683. David Yurman necklace, price on request. Mikimoto necklaces, price on request. Pamela Love necklace, $650. Pomellato bracelets, price on request. Patek Philippe watch.
WHAT THEY SAID
LOCATION: 711 in the Outer Sunset at about midnight. My friend and I were recovering from her birthday weekend and stopped there to buy chips and soda.
BOYS: Short, black boys in dew rags. Wearing baggy clothing and small backpacks.
I walk into the store and head straight for the Gatorade refrigerator. Boy 2 walks past me leering. I ignore him and focus on whether I want a light blue or a regular blue sports drink. His friend yells at me:
BOY 1: GIRL DON’T MIND MY COUSIN
I am furiously reading Gatorade bottles.
BOY 1: HE DON’T MEAN NOTHING.
I search the aisles for my tiny blonde friend. She is surveying the Cheetoh selection. I walk quickly over to her and acted like this was the first time I had every seen a bag of chips.
BOY 1: HEY GIRL –WHERE YOU LIVE?
I’m lying because I do not tell people at 711 where I live.
BOY 1: OH REALLY WHERE?
ME: Uh……actually I’m homeless….
His cousin chimes in,
BOY 2: YOU CAN STAY WITH US.
BOY 1:YEA A GIRL LIKE YOU SHOULDN’T BE HOMELESS.
ME:Ah, ha no thanks.
I reach the front of the check out line. The cashier who is ringing me up is simultaneously on the phone with the police because someone had just stolen from the story. My friend pays for her groceries. As we leave we hear the boys talking…
BOY 1: FUCK NIGGA HE’S ON THE PHONE WITH THE POLICE
BOY 2:SHIT LETS GO.
I then sprint after them and ask if I can stay at their house forever.
How to Thrift for Menswear
Part Three: Getting the Good Stuff
Thrift stores are full of high-quality menswear. Menswear is relatively timeless. Women shop for men, and they make mistakes - sometimes expensive ones. The kind of men who buy high-quality clothes don’t want to be bothered with selling them. The stuff is out there.
Here’s eight tips on how to pull in the cream of the crop:
- Know your fit. If you don’t try things on, you’re begging for a disaster. Learn what can be altered, then stick to stuff that will fit perfectly.
- Buy it when it’s there. Every thrift store piece is one in a million. Maybe more. Don’t put it back on the rack and go get lunch or even walk around the store thinking about it. If it’s right, buy it.
- Time your visits. Thrift stores keep regular schedules - new stock goes out at specific times. Either observe the patterns or simply ask politely when new stuff goes out. You can also try to hit sales, but at thrift store prices, getting something great is much more important than saving $5 or $8.
- Touch and stare. Perfect the thrift cruise. Run your hand across the shoulders of the garments while inspecting as carefully as you can. You’ll feel the good stuff as much as you’ll see it.
- Look for damage. Look carefully for damage. CAREFULLY. There’s nothing worse than losing $25 on a jacket with moth holes you missed, or a big stain. Hold pieces up to natural light to help spot holes, and check for stains - pants lining could be yellow (eww) or collars could be soiled. If you’re willing to put in the time and resources, you can fix these things (I’ve had pants linings replaced before), but factor that into your cost.
- Know your brands. Your goal should be to identify quality by sight and touch, but you can also cheat with a brand list. Of course, even pieces by fine brands can be sub-par, damaged or out-of-date, but it’s a start.
- Watch out for licensees & diffusion lines. If you find a piece by a well-known brand, but it’s not great quality, it’s probably a licensee or a diffusion line. Just as Ralph Lauren makes everything from Purple Label to J.C. Penney’s American Living, many brands offer goods at a variety of quality levels. Many fashion houses also sell or have sold their names to low-quality makers in their non-core businesses (like menswear). You can read our fuller piece about menswear licenses and thrifting, but suffice it to say: if the label says Yves Saint Laurent, Pierre Cardin, Givenchy, Lanvin or Christian Dior, it’s probably a piece of crap.
- eBay is your friend. If you’ve got a smart phone, you’ve got a way to identify the value of that piece in your hand. Search for completed auctions on the web or in the eBay app and get a sense of the market. Some brands fly under the eBay radar, but for larger brands, it’s an easy way to distinguish between Brioni (primo) and Baroni (junk).
One of the great pleasures of thrift store shopping is the opportunity to put your hands on all kinds of clothes - from the best to the worst. There are innumerable signs of quality, but here are a seven basic guidelines.
- Look for trousers with details that mean quality. Split waistbands, pick stitching in the fly, a belt loop, suspender buttons and a closure with a generous tab are good signs of a quality piece.
- Look for shirts with mother-of-pearl buttons. They’ll look more lustrous and feel cold on your lip. They’re more expensive and prone to chipping, so they’re only used on high-quality shirts.
- Look for fully canvassed jackets. Better jackets will have three discrete layers in their chest - an outer, a lining and a canvas in between. Use the pinch test to distinguish. If you only feel two, they canvas and outer are glued together, a sign of a lower-quality jacket.
- Don’t by corrected-grain shoes. Shoes that have a shiny, plasticky look are made of “corrected” or “polished” leather. Because of imperfections, they top layer is sanded off, then replaced with a plastic coating. This is cheaper than picking undamaged hides, so it’s most of what you’ll find on the thrift store shelf. They’re not worth your time or your $10.
- Never buy synthetics. I’ve been trying to think of a good reason to buy a piece of clothing with any synthetic fiber in it at all. All I can think of is a trench coat, which might have some synthetic for warding off rain. Otherwise, if you see polyester or nylon, put it back on the shelf.
- Don’t buy third-world-made goods. With the exception of basics that you need at that moment (say a perfectly fitting Brooks Brothers oxford - the classic thrift shirt), there’s no reason to buy clothes made in the third world. The words “Made in England” (or Italy or the US or Canada or Switzerland or Germany) don’t guarantee quality goods, but the words “Made in Bangalore” generally do guarantee something that’s mall-quality at best.
Of course, you’ll gain knowledge with experience, and you’ll make mistakes along the way, but I think you’re ready to get out there and shop!
A preview of what’s to come with Vanishing Elephant S/S12. Love the colors and those awesome elephant embroidered pants.
WHAT HE TEXTED
ME(6:01 pm):How do I become the worlds best and hottest plus size model
BOY(6:02 pm):Move to New York. Become Bisexual. Sign with ford. Sleep with Natalie Joos. And get a model girlfriend who used to be a boy…..TBH
ME(6:12 pm):Oh….well….I guess…nevermind
BOY(6:13 pm):U act like this isn’t possible
BOY(6:19): You could date me and I will make your dreams come true too…
WHAT I DID
LOCATION: My friends and I went out to a gourmet hamburger restaurant for lunch a couple days ago.
BOY: Tall, lanky, somewhat greasy with a young face. Looks like he would be picked to be in the Ravenclaw dormitories, but only based on his sweater collection.
We had previously discussed how tropical themed restaurants were funny.
Therefore I took this picture since it is of an island themed hamburger.
So next time I see him, should I just avoid conversation or keep a boom box in my pants and blast Beach Boys when I approach as an ice breaker?
LOCATION: Outside a coffee shop on a busy street.
BOY: Thin and blonde with blue eyes. Wearing a black sweater, running shoes and fitted jeans.
We had seen Harry Potter the night before.
BOY: No, but Professor Mcgonagall is hot.
My other friend and I stare at him.
BOY: I mean… she’s an acquired taste.
ME: Um..yea.. I guess.
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